Scales challenge: day 1

Faith in humanity restored! I got a call from uni that my USB was found and left in the library, my little cow is back. Tomorrow I will pick up. Also, I managed to arrange an appointment with an e-survey expert to start the setting up of the survey. Granted I am still working on scales, but tomorrow may be the only time I can discuss with someone the technical aspects of the survey. Scales maybe harder to define as my constructs have expanded. I may be able to have the first go at scales by end of next week. God willing.

Tomorrow I am going to two funerals, one at church, the other one at a political rally of sorts. Two different funerals for two very different men. Last week I went to another funeral of a good friend. So much death in such a short time. 3 out of 3, hubby was lucky this time. Life at home has calmed down. No drama for a couple of days. Now I am even laughing at hubby’s idea of moving for a few months to a farm in Argentina to be closer to nature and look after horses. It wasn’t funny when he first told me at 2am in the morning, but now it will be one of those legendary stories that I am going to tell for a long time.

I did my hair today and is looking great. Feeling good with myself. Getting ready for quinceañera party on Saturday. Maybe because at 1am today I submitted three reports to supervisors. Ok, I think I’m ready to go to work and ready to get back to more challenges.

Ahh I forgot to mention that I am going to have a test to rule out cancer. Yes, ME with cancer. That I wasn’t expecting. The yoke is on me.


Seminar challenge: days 7-12

Life has got to me. Busy with work, dad, boys and did I say hubby’s cancer? Yes, the big C is with us, it has come to home and we are just getting used to have it around. It seems that hubby’s has had cancer for a few yearsbp


The ICT drama continues

For somebody who is writing a PhD on digital technologies, I sure get enough IT dramas. Today I went to uni for a chance to get out of home, plus access to a good printer. As I was contemplating how much work I’d done in such a short period of time, the beauty of working with fellow students, the silence of the library and so on … my good USB was stolen!! Yes, stolen, right in front of my nose. There are usbs thieves amongst us, be careful. I am so upset.  My good cow usb, with all the articles, dad’s photos, reports, etc.  Hope they don’t use that data or pics.  Who would do something so terrible?

As for hubby things have come down since I told him if he didn’t have anything nice to say, don’t talk to me.  Still a lazy bugger though.  Yesterday he flooded the house leaving the bath on while playing in the computer.  He had to clean it all, even with all the pain.  No sympathy from me after he laughed that he hadn’t paid the insurance.  Mum’s dementia getting worse, but i managed to get extra support for her.  Don’t know how much time she will be on her own.  Dreading the day when i have to take her to a nursing home.

Good thing is that I finish my draft reports: one for supervisor, one for industry and one for newsletter. Very happy with that. Now to find a conference and a reason to present. Next stage is the scales, need to find scales soon. Once I get the scales, I can start work on e-survey design. Scales challenge is the new challenge.


Get me out of here!

I am sick of married life. The drama, the screams, the putting down. Can’t take it. I know hubby is in pain, but does he have to be a pain? I feel like we survived cancer, but the cancer killed our marriage. Correction: hubby’s sickness brought up the ills in our relationship, and the inevitable happened, I got sick of him.

Just yesterday he had the nerve to tell me that he would send my little boy away! That we should send him to my mums because he can’t deal with a 9 y/o boy! WTF? That’s the acaboso, sorry . Way too much for me. A man who spends up to 10hours taking to his FB friends, telling me that my little boy does not have a purpose. You tell me if I shouldn’t send him packing? A friend told me that he wants to leave me, get custody and for me to support him! Have you got no shame man?

I am depressed today. He is draining me financially and emotionally. Better do my yoga now and get back to ME. PhD work tomorrow. Breathe.

The monster within

Cancer has released another monster in hubby: an evil, angry and resentful one. Last three weeks have been hell. He is suffering and in turn is making us suffer. That anger against the world for his own failings and disappointments is being leashed against his family and friends. Mostly towards me. I feel like leaving, running away from all his nastiness. I do still love him. Love is making me stay. Love for my kids may make me leave.

Surviving challenge: day 4 & 5

Done! I had my seminar!!! It went for two hours, lots of questions and so many unknowns still. Supervisor 2 was still not convinced that I have come out with answers. Maybe I didn’t have the right questions? I did it and in my eyes it was a great accomplishment. Anyway, I feel relieved, at peace, happy for now. New challenges later. Today I am sleeping well. On the weekend I will review report. Happiness. What will be the next PhD challenge? The report to industry? The scales? From now on each week counts till August. Heart is racing just thinking about that.

As for hubby he is on his way to recovery. A bit too soon for my liking. Then again, that’s him. Doctor says the tumour is out. He may come home tomorrow, then life. On Sat I am going to the Sunshine Coast. I still get a bit anxious with the driving, hopefully my nerves will calm. Should I take hubby with me to the beach? Me thinks we should play by ear.

Thank you Lord for holding me in your arms during this difficult times. You have given me the strength to keep going and going. Monseñor Romero bless my hubby and my family. I am at peace with all.

Survival challenge: day 2 y 3

Having my share of panic attacks. Hubby is recovering in hospital and I am dreading his return home. I just don’t have the time or energy to look after him, as I am yet to have my research seminar. I asked for an extension, but was told that next available time is July. So I decided to have it in two days. Hopefully, darling hubby will be home this Friday, the day after my seminar.

Surviving challenge: day 1

Life has been chaotic over the last month to put it mildly. Hubby’s cancer diagnoses is finally here, is real and making upheaval in our already crazily busy lives. Doctors appointments, tests, more tests and hospital visits has been the norm for weeks now. I am tired, very tired. Mentally exhausted, body aches and bruised soul, that’s me. And 1 year older. Yes, yesterday was my birthday. I spent it basically on my own, with friends coming and going, calling. Ahh life is full of surprises and then you get another surprise! I had plan my dad’s visit so he would be with me during my birthday, instead I spent the day on my own. Our life plans to travel to the Gold Coast and take dad sightseeing, gone just like that.

Still grateful that hubby finally had his operation, sparing us the dreaded hospital waiting list. The operation was expected, but still came as a surprise when it finally happened. Hubby is recovering in hospital and me managing with kids, dad, house, hospital visits, informing friends and my SEMINAR preparation. Yes, in the middle of all of this I have managed to write around 25,000 words, and some of them are even readable! My heart is beating fast, I know I am not there yet and got to do serious editing. Academic life sucks, when life sucks. Got my seminar in 3 days. Report no ready, presentation no ready. Panic setting in. Butterflies in my stomach.

Thankful that hubby survived the operation. Now to wait if the cancer is out and what other treatments are coming our way. Thank God for the doctors, the medical stuff at hospital, the public health system, the friends, our dearest Esperanza and Angel and Michelle, my world is better with them.

All of this and somehow I must go on. Cannot stop running mid-race. Seminar is here, let the music play, and play loud. I must survive my academic life and hubby must live another day. Got two small boys counting in this. Think, wrote and edit. The survival challenge arrived.

Seminar challenge: day 24-30

This is a sick household: boy 1 sick for two weeks, boy 2 unwell and me away from work for one week, still sick. And let’s no forget hubby’s cancer diagnoses. So far we have not gone back to the hospital or have a another doctors appointment. Tomorrow one test, scary one with radioactivity.

I finally got new uni offer, I will accept it and start uni in term 3. How do I tell my old supervisors? Had a chat with new supervisor and although scary, feeling sort of excited, just. Seminar report, at least the industry report I have the very first draft completed, close to 20,000 words. Next challenge will be the the TAM model challenge. Yes, I am on my way now to use the draft report to start formulating my very own model. I should have a draft model by end on week, no promises.

Dad has being doing well. I am still upset for him abandoning us. I feel brothers feel the same way.