It is after midnight and I just submitted my ethics application. So glad I finally did it!! Very happy now and ready to go to bed. Tomorrow big day at work, plus got that interview with other universities. Talk scholarship and stuff. Worried a bit about chat with eldest boy.
3d illustration of checkbox with sign ‘done’
Today I will be meeting a prospective PhD student and a recently graduated PhD academic to discuss their experience, get advice and hopefully get inspired. I need all the inspiration to keep going. Studying is not easy with a full time job, two small children, a Latin husband and an elderly mum. So much to do, so much to think, so much to write. I have had two weeks off work to concentrate on my PhD, I wasn’t counting that mum would have pneumonia and I felt that I had to look after her. It was my decision, but it has not been easy. Having mum at home for two weeks has been very stressful, she is not showing major signs of dementia yet, at times I even doubt the diagnosis, but she is still very trying. Just like now she is pacing up and down wanting to be taken home, after saying last night that she didn’t want to go.
Good thing is that I have come across Dr Tara Barbazon PhD Blogs. My supervisors are quite hopeless giving general advice – or any general advice – so it’s good to listen to others that have gone through the process. I was even thinking of employing a PhD consultant to get some additional support.
What happened to my post? I just wanted to updated you in my latest supervisor drama: I found a new external supervisor! A leading researcher in horticulture and a great scientist, but most importantly an awesome guy. I have the A team now, the weakest team member is me!!! I am even grateful that R dropped me. How life sometimes gives you what you think maybe lemons, but are really gems instead. Thanks God. Gracias Dios, pedí y me respondiste. So today I must really get to read those TAM models and tomorrow work on existing references. Can’t forget about my little kids, so I have to B1 to soccer and get B2 to swimming and organise birthday party. Plus washing, plus uniforms, plus homework. Life always gets in the way of studies.
Yesterday was such a busy, but productive day. Did my hair, went to dentist, got new reading glasses and even cooked for the family.
But the best thing that happened to me was that I got a co-supervisor! Lui got me in the program in the first place and now he seemed to be ok with new project. I am still disappointed that my other supervisor left me without saying good-bye. Who knows? This maybe the best way of me getting into my PhD and working towards it, a supervisor who supervises!!
I’ll be meeting them back in two weeks, continuing with confirmation report and looking at other models.
Happy? Yes, Scared? You bet!
Yesterday it was a very special day. The best and worst of my younger years came to me. One of the greatest groups I worked with was having their 21st reunion, I couldn’t get half because of the long drive by myself and half because of my thesis work, and a bit because Alice couldn’t bed me. Actually the main reason was because I am meeting my supervisor next week and needed to have something prepared for him. I was disappointed I couldn’t make it, but it was more painful when they call me to say how much they miss me and how much they wanted me to be there. My heart felt so loved and I was so grateful for having had them in my life all those years ago. At night i went to the FMLN party, after Esperanza asked me to go, I can’t say no to her. At the party, the S and brother were there. All their nastiness and my foolishness came back to me. Good that part of my life is gone.
Good thing is that I actually worked on my report. I think I am getting to 4000 words, unedited, about 3000 once I edit this. Good because I am aware I need to work much more on literature review and methods. I will aim for 8000 for confirmation report.
Today is Sunday, I spend time with family, a bit of cleaning and uniform washing I will spend 2 hours with report.
This morning was a shocker: I found out that I dint emailed me the latest copy of my report! All that work over the last two days is locked away safe at work in the office. So, to pass the time I started to play with my new external hard drive and moving files around for ease of access: big, BIG mistake. I lost my endnotes files!! All my rwferecences and citations gone. But gone where? I don’t remember deleting any files? My heart sank, I was cool, but realising what that meant: days and days of extra work. I looked around and nothing. So I went to the source of all wisdom: I prayed
, I begged, I promised. Anyway resigned to my luck I went back to my document and started to work on the text. Then, I thought, what about if I tried to open my biography from the references in the document? And guess what? It worked!! I got my endnotes library back: God is good. After that, my heart hasn’t stopped beating fast and I am yet to calm down. Learnings from this experience: don’t play with your fIles, backup, and be grateful to God.
How fast the days when you have a deadline looming! Next Tuesday I am presenting my supervisor my new topic and area of interest. It’s more specific and manageable for me. Still horticulture, still technology, but new spin: digital disruption! Anyway, I feel overwhelmed by all the work I have to do. Still no justification, no model, no methods, no subject samples … ideas on paper only. Today, I will do a bit of work. Got up in the morning did my yoga stretches, watched a video on e-farming and file most of my printed articles. Small wins. Got more papers to print, read, file, end-note.
Sometimes I wonder if all is worth it. Don’t know. Doubts are on my mind. I know I can do it, what I am not sure it’s whether I gave the discipline to do it.
today I bought my first ever hard drive, $99 it cost me. Part of Sara management. I will then learn how to use and hopefully will use it regularly.
For my report, I wrote the abstract and kind of started working on the methods. The more I get into this, the more scared I get. See how this weekend goes.
gran Nietzsche! I left my docs st work and the email wasn’t sent. All that work lost!
Got to 1500 words, emailed Emilio’s swimming form and watched the movie ‘malacrianza’ in the Spanish film festival at UQ. Went for walk. I also enrolled Emilio in music lessons. Tomorrow I must call mom and tell her, I love her. On weekend must call dad.
Last night I wrote up a few more words in my confirmation report and felt good to have advanced a little. Still no enough, but almost 800 words more than where I was a few weeks ago. Went to bed after midnight. The thing with writing is that you must be in the ‘zone’ and it takes a few hours to get there, but once you are there you must use it! It took me longer to write up just 100 words, because of computer problems I lost my work from Thursday, very dissapounting, but I guess that’s just life as a student. Had to redo that section. I showed some grit, because my initial feelings were to give up and watch the Saturday movie, but I just moved on and kept working. Also thanks to Mr G who found a mouse and tried to fix computer.
This morning I woke up at 6am, did my yoga stretches and went for 20min walk. Two challenges accomplished before 7am: the 5am challenge (6am for Sunday) and a walk.
Today we have a very busy family day: church morning, party afternoon and Cuchubal at night. When will I have time to write? Let you know tomorrow.
It was a scary day, the beginning of one of the hardest challenges I have gotten myself into: start writing my thesis. I finally after weeks of procrastination I logged on my uni account and completed my induction quiz. I also booked myself into a few seminars. Amazingly, one of the many emails was an invitation to go for the Bridge to Brisbane run. I registered to represent the uni, but I had no realised until to late that the invitation was for the 10 kms run! Coincidence? So in the next month I will push myself to get to run/walk my first ever 10kms and complete the first chapter of my thesis! All while looking after a young family and working full time! Glad that I am doing a gratitude challenge and with joy in our hearts we can accomplish anything!